reflections of a lunatic...

have become a proper insomniac..its precisely 2.52am now & after lots of tossing & turning & listening to mindless songs, thought that this might be a better way to 'kill' time..so, wanted to write about this book for quite sometime now..it's called 'josna o jononir golpo', written by Humayun Ahmed. Some books, movies or any such piece of art, i believe, shud be experienced at least once in a lifetime..this happens to be one of them. Based on the background of the internal strife in Bangladesh (then East Pakistan) on it's struggle for freedom, better known as 'Muktijuddho', this book is a memoir of those times through the eyes of someone who has experienced it all..from seeing near ones killed in front of his eyes, to inhuman tortures by the military, to absconding from one place to another..the book gives a true account of those times. While reading it, I had these feeling that it was happening all around me..in fact, it really can happen anywhere, anytime..imagine the country being handed over for the military to rule on one fine day & then life changes right in front of your eyes. You can hear bombings and shootings all around you & you are vehemently praying that your house is Not their next target..if your prayers remain unanswered, they come in shoot the men & children, torture the women in ways that i cant bring myself to describe here & kill them and if they so like 'take away' a few of the people to torture them in 'better' & 'innovative' manners before killing them.. surely you've heard about playing with the prey before killing it??..this is what Bangladesh experienced in the year of 1971..millions of people lost or got separated from their near ones, around one million came to India to seek refuge..to give a small description of the scale of the mass murder which took place for nearly ten months-when people traveled by the rivers, during those times, they generally tried not to look at the water, reason?everywhere you could see numerous bodies floating by..braving all the massacre by the Pakistani Army, those brave 'muktijoddhas' continued fighting..and at last, there was freedom..the author gives his reaction on the day independent Bangladesh was officially declared..he & one of his friends first came out on the streets which was filled with people who've gone berserk out of euphoria, the author & his friends first started running down the streets then they started shouting at the top of their voices & then they cried..& cried...this was freedom for them..one of my friends commented that this is the reason why they value & give such importance to their Independence Day, unlike us..but then on reflection..i guess, it'll become 'just another holiday' for them too after a few generations..guess, our country also faced such traumatic times..only people who experience or go through such times maybe realize their significance..after all, it's human nature to take things which they get without an effort, for granted, huh?!
This book made me reflect on the uncertainty called life, it made me feel that only during these trying times do we realize the value of life and the way we waste it in trivialities...
It also revived the thought that in so many places around the globe, people are actually undergoing such experiences, even at this very moment...the other day i saw a picture in the newspaper which I thought were of two tiny tots who've played with colors..on closer look, i noticed that it was actually blood which had soaked their bodies & they were helplessly crying out for help, then today i saw the picture of military killing people in Burma where this photographer who had been shot & was dying was still taking shots (he later died)..why am i relating such gory incidents?'cause it is making me increasingly frustrated..so much of violence, inequality, sickness & pain all around us & yet we choose to be oblivious to those as long as they don't concern us..as if that is the 'life' belonging to some outer world & the cozy & comfortable life which we live, is the only truth that there is..am not so idealistic as to demand an egalitarian society (though i wouldn't mind it at all!) but then such huge disparities make me sick!!!
sometimes i wonder, do i really care or are these just momentary sentimentalities??what am i doing wid life? yes, i am preparing to get into some good b-school which in the end might land me into some cushy job..and then?what next???do i really do things which i dream of doing or succumb to that luxury, consoling myself with words like: 'where do i have the time' ? or 'i really dont have the means, only if i had more money..' or 'i'll surely do it, but not now, some other time..' How often have i heard these??and God, how they make me scared...